Michael Bay Limits Transformers To Three Circles Of Hell

11 Jun

by: Captain Oblivious

The end is near. At least that’s if we can believe Michael Bay. And we can’t. The director (cough) said that Transformers 3 will be the end of a trilogy and has a “killer ending”. So I’m guessing that he will set a huge bomb in every theater in America and at the end of the movie when Shia goes to robot purgatory or the robot equivalent of the island on Lost the bomb will detonate killing all movie goers as Bay counts his money and says a big f*** you to America.

The movie will also be in 3D which should have been inevitable given that the third dimension is Hollywood’s new money grab. I can’t wait for the day when Devastator’s giant wrecking ball nutsack can swing in my face and appear to be right in front of me! Oh happy day.

Shockwave will reportedly be the villain but really does it matter? It’s Transformers. We had and old crotchety British plane and two of the most blatantly racist characters on screen since Amos and Andy last time out. Bay could announce that the Autobots would be facing off against the now rogue Go-bots and the movie will still make half a billion.

And we all know there will be a fourth movie. It’s not like Michael Bay has anything better to do. I mean he’s going to make a third Bad Boys movie for Christ’s sake! He can preach all he wants to about this being the end but here is how the exact converstion will go down when the idea of a fourth comes up.

Paramount executive: Hey Michael we think it would be great if you could do a fourth Transfo….

Michael Bay: Done. I’ll go get the racist robots.

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