by: Captain Oblivious
Sorry for the delay but in case you didn’t hear HBK gave his farewell on RAW so there was no way on God’s green earth I was missing it so Impact just had to wait till later to watch.
I feel kind of bad for TNA. They are putting together good Impact’s on a normal basis now but just are not getting the viewers because they are going against the Wrestlemania machine. Hopefully things will pick up heading to Lockdown since Mania is in everyone’s rearview mirror.
1. Jeff Jarrett spoke to Hogan in his office. Hogan said he set up a match between Jarrett and A.J. Styles tonight. If Jarrett won he would be the new #1 contender after Lockdown.
2. Black Machismo made his way in and asked Hogan if he could run the show since Hogan had to leave (uh oh who did Nick kill this time). Hogan gave the yay and the black Savage is running things.
3. Bubba the Love Sponge was on screen so I kind of blacked out with white hot rage filled thoughts of killing him and hiding his body until the search was called off then feeding him through a wood chipper Fargo-style.
4. Kevin Nash said he was sorry to Eric Young and offered him a spot in the Wolfp…the Band. Young said no thanks by taking on all three guys. A simple no would have sufficed.
5. Shannon Moore and Kazarian defeated Doug Williams and Kendrick. Kazarian has had more flame out comebacks than Meng did in WCW. He’s back! The monster Meng! Lose to Goldberg. Done.
6. The Pope came out and cut an Ultimate Warrior like promo. Did I know what he was saying? Hell no but I like it!
7. Orlando Jordan was lowered from the rafters wrapped in caution tape and crawled over to a couch with his two “friends”. I know Jordan is bi but do we have to have a gimmick that overly flaunts it? This segment sucked more ass than Jordan literally does.
8. Tara defeated Daffney in a First Blood Match to retain the Knockouts Title. I love this feud. Probably because I am a massive Daffney fan but these two are working so well together. The ending was weak with the ref calling for the bell with Daffney’s drop of blood on the forehead but as Stu said in Scream, “Those are the rules!”
9. A.J. Styles defeated Jeff Jarrett. Awesome match. If Jarrett keeps bringing it like this I wouldn’t mind him winning the title off of Styles. Styles won with a ball shot (just came up with Orlando Jordan’s finisher) and a Styles Clash.
10. Black Machismo defeated Beer Money in a handicap match. Whose daughter did Beer Money gangbang to have them be in this postition? I always thought Brooke was slutty. Sorry about their damn luck.
11. Desmond Wolfe defeated The Pope. Now this is how you build up your number one contender. Have him lose to a man he has beaten twice. This is the time TNA needs to be giving Pope some wins to make him seem like a credible contender to A.J.
12. Kurt Angle came out and cut a promo about him winning the right way (minus the failed drug tests in WWE). Mr. Anderson came out and cut an awesome promo about Kurt being the better man and that nice guys always finish last. Mr. Anderson thanked God that he was an asshole……asshole.
13. Jeff Hardy, RVD, and Eric Young defeated The Band in a cage match. Very short match as it should have been. Young got the pin after he dropped and elbow on Waltman from the top of the cage.
+ The Pope’s promo was good. I don’t know what the hell he was talking about with astronaut suits and outer limits but it worked the crowd up.
+ The Jarrett/Styles match was almost PPV quality. When your champ can give you matches like this on free TV it makes me sad to watch RAW.
+ The Kurt Angle and Mr. Anderson feud keeps chugging along and I am loving it. Anderson being released from WWE may have been the best thing because he has a new fire in him and it is amazing to watch.
– The Eric Young/Nash stuff is boring me. Even with RVD and Hardy involved I just cannot get behind it.
– The Pope losing to Wolfe on his way to Lockdown.
– Beer Money losing to Black Machismo? Dude.
– Finally the Orlando Jordan segment. That may have been one of the worst and most uncomfortable segments I have ever seen. And that’s just not including wrestling. That involves everything. And I’ve seen some sh**.